I am far from where I dream to be one day. I could write a book about why I am not there yet, or at least close. I could tell you about all the people who did not support my … Continue reading
I have had my fair share of mean bosses and uncomfortable work situations. I know what it feels like to wake up and absolutely loathe having to go to that place. The only thing that got me up was that … Continue reading
It’s a jungle out here
There is enough room for everyone to come in and hurt and disappoint me
There is enough light for the world to see my tears and my pain
I just want to crawl into the crack in the wall
It’s a small and dark place, the crack in the wall
Small enough to leave no room for my burdens
Dark enough to hide me away so that they won’t find me again
It’s a jungle out here
My shoulders are too weak for the weight they have to carry
Out here the burdens always find me even me even if I run
I just want to crawl into that crack in the wall
It’s a small and dark place, the crack in the wall
Small enough that it promises loneliness
Dark enough that it promises no one ever sees me
It’s a jungle out here
It’s so big that it promises a lot of joy
There is so much light it promises that people will see me
But, it’s a disappointing jungle
I’d rather just crawl into that crack in the wall
We all have people in our lives who seem to always have a spring in their step and a smile on their faces. They always have nothing but compliments to give and they are up-beat and have a very positive … Continue reading
So, lately your friends have been tagging each other on Facebook in pictures at lunches and house parties that you were not invited to? Did they forget to invite you…you may be wondering! I am not a sadist but I have to break it to you, they didn’t forget. They did not want you there. If they had forgotten to tell you, they would have realised as soon as they gathered that you were not there and they would have called. The problem may be that all your friends have issues or you need to learn the art of being the guest who keeps being invited back!!
Rules of Being a Cool House Guest
- Don’t show up unannounced. Your friends love you but they do not always want to be with you. It’s nothing personal but people do need their alone time or they may be entertaining other guests that they cannot entertain together with you. Don’t complain that a person was not welcoming when you just rocked up on their doorstep. They probably were not in the mood for visitors.
- Be time conscious. Do not show up at 3:30 for a 12:30 lunch. If you are invited for a lunch, there is a good chance that lunch is all they had planned with you but after that they want their home and their time back. And, if they invite you for a meal they probably don’t eat because they are waiting to eat together with their guests and you decide to show up 2 hours later!!! So ignoring the time factor means you keep your hosts starving while they wait and you infringe on their plans for later.
- Take what you are offered. If they offer you tea, coffee or juice it probably means they can only give you tea, coffee or juice. Don’t ask for a milkshake. If they wanted to give you a milkshake they would have offered. Even if you know that they have it there or you have seen it that does not mean that they plan to share it with you. Take what they offer. Do not try to embarrass people into giving you things they had no plan to or make them give it to you grudgingly. Sometimes they simply might not have what you are asking for then all do is make them feel bad for not making their guests happy.
- Know your place. Unless you have a very close friendship and you have the kind of relationship where anything goes remember that your freedom is limited in people’s homes. Don’t just waltz to the fridge and grab a tub of ice cream and head to other rooms where you have no business. People want their guests to be comfortable but not intrusive.
- Take a hint. People often do or say things that give you an indication of how to behave when you visit. If the hosts start to yawn endlessly and talk about what a long day the next day is going to be, that’s the part where you say your goodbyes. If they start by complaining about how difficult it was to get to the grocery store and they hardly could buy anything for lunch, that’s the part where you tell them that it’s just as well because you just started a very strict diet and whatever they have is the best thing you should eat. Don’t make people feel bad for not feeding you enough. If they talk about how their heater is broken, lie, just say heaters give you a headache anyway. Don’t sit there trembling and complaining about how very very cold it is. Tell your hosts what will make them feel good and if the situation is not very good excuse yourself early.
- Leave your weird habits at home. When in Rome do as the Roman do. Don’t bring your weird behaviors to someone else house. If they offer to stir your tea don’t freak out about how you want it to be stirred in a clockwise direction or anything weird like that. Stir clockwise all you want at your own house, when you visit, make your stay as comfy as possible for the host.
- LEAVE.This may sound too obvious but you will be surprised at how many people actually overstay their welcome. It is way better to leave before your hosts expect you to and for them to be sorry to see you go than for them to be sorry they invited you.
Hi there. Welcome to the final part of the How Failure Can Consume You series. I hope you found Part 1 and Part 2 enlightening. Now we are equipping ourselves with tools to deal with the realities of failure. Enjoy. … Continue reading
This feels like “the morning after”. I poured my heart out in the Part 1 of this series. Now I know that you know stuff about me that I rarely share. Well, that’s the thing about failure, you still have to face the world everyday afterwards. I ended the last post explaining how failure feels very much like falling into a bottomless pit. Experiences differ from person to person and lucky people will still have support from their friends and family and resources to go back and correct their mistakes. I hope that through this series I will be able to speak to someone who doesn’t really have all the support they need from those they know. Support is important, without it you will soon realise that it is not the actual failure itself that gets you down.
What Really Gets You Down When You Fail?
Loss of Friends. People do not want to associate with failures. They want to be around people they admire, people who challenge them and people who make them want to be better. Being friends with a person who is failing or has failed sometimes means endless sessions of comforting and counseling, dealing with bouts of depression and anxiety and constantly working towards changing negativity into positivity.
Apart from people not wanting to be around you, there is also the fact that you don’t want to be around people. Pride, shame, jealousy and emotions like that just makes it difficult for you to be with people who seem to be managing everything you are failing to.
Loss of Family Support. Families feel betrayed if in their minds you had been carrying the torch for the family and giving them something to be proud of and then you turn around and fail. This means they will have to explain away your failure to whoever asks and you have the potential of becoming a burden to them. If they have spent money on you then you have just tossed their money down the drain.
Loss of Confidence. After I failed I used to look at everyone around me and think they were better than me. Even the guy standing on the street asking for 50 cents seems to be good at what he did. He actually got a few people to give him money. That meant he was excelling in his trade, I had failed in mine. There was also this feeling that maybe everyone could tell just by looking at me. Every time a stranger looked at me I just felt myself shrinking 10 sizes smaller. I stopped participating in conversations because I just felt like whatever I had to say would not be clever enough. Loss of confidence means lack of motivation to try again or start something new.
Loss of Credibility. That awkward moment when you tell someone where you have been and what you did and they burst out laughing because they think it’s a joke. They look at you and they try to picture you in the environment you are talking about and the “loser” they see could not be the same person who ever did anything remotely connected to the big places you are talking about. When people want to do business, find friends, employ somebody they always look that person’s history or resume. If your history says you have failed in the past they are going to want to know what value you can add to their lives seeing as you failed to add value to your own life.
The things that get you down are related to “loss”. You lose a lot when you fail. Loss doesn’t have to be the conclusion of your story though. Part 3 of this series will deal with how to come back from failure. After losing family, friends, credibility and confidence it makes sense to just want to crawl into the darkest hole and wait for your death. I actually crawled in but I realised that it was more excruciating living in the dark. They usually say life is short but it can be painfully long if you live in hiding. You’ll be shocked to find out that all the people you were hiding from also had their experiences with failure at one point or another. Best solution, keep your chin up and read part 3 of this series 😉
So, I talked about keeping your chin up. It’s easier said than done. When it’s too hard to just keep your chin up you can talk to someone who has been there. Fill in the form below and chat with me. I’d love to hear from you. Don’t worry, you won’t be asked to buy anything. I really just love to chat to those who are where I have been.