7 Things to ponder while I celebrate Oscar Pistorius’ 5 seconds in jail

1. We know he is getting out soon. If I save a rand for each night he spends in jail I bet I won’t have enough for a loaf of bread before he gets out. Must I buy a six pack of my favorite cider and celebrate with one at the end of each day they don’t let him out? or should I just buy about 3 or 4 cans?

2. We know there is going to be a story of why he should be out early. It’s there already but they will just wait a few weeks (if that). Question is, will they say he caught a cold therefore he should go on medical parole? Will it be an Ebola scare? Will it be scares that South Africa will miss out on future gold medals while Osy is busy with Fastest Inmate of the Year Tournaments?

3. Did Oscar watch Shawshank Redemption? Where does the Pretoria prison sewage lead to?

Oscar Pistorius escape, life lesson with chipo mutibvu

4. Why did they tell us he might get house arrest? Were they setting it up so that we would all be happy with the 2 weeks that he would actually go to jail because it’s better than the house arrest that they had hinted to?

5. If he decides to run (which he does very well) the closest boarder is the Zimbabwean one. Will he go unnoticed in Zimbabwe considering there is only a handful of white people left there? Will he die of thirst as soon as he crosses the boarder because of Zimbabwe’s water shortages?

6. Will he be legally allowed to have doors on his bathrooms when he gets out? We can’t worry about him being allowed to have a gun because the one he used was possessed illegally anyway.

7. Oscar is pretty. He is very very pretty. Out here that gets you a pretty model for a girlfriend but there, ummmm, you see where I’m going with this? It might be prudent for him to learn how to dry wash in this cell basin. Taking a shower is not something I’d advise him to do.

Finally…I couldn’t resist sharing this since we are talking about prisoners…

Three prisoners are being executed via firing squad. The police are about to execute the first one when he yells EARTHQUAKE!The police go running and the prisoner escapes before the police realize there’s no earthquake.

Right before they execute the second one, he yells TORNADO!Of course, there is no tornado, but the prisoner escapes before the police realize that

It was turn for the third to be executed. The police go “Readyyy… Aim…”. Then, Frank yells “FIRE!”